So yeah, I got married yesterday!!
I am so glad I did. I'm so glad WE did! I have found a life partner who makes me happy, real, and loved.
But I remember when we first got engaged, Mom said to me "well, it's only a 2nd marriage." and how much I bristled at that.
At first I started thinking ok, I failed at the first one. I tried so hard to love him. I really did. But it just didn't work. It turned out that we both realized, after 12 years, that we were in love with being in love, and not with each other.
I'm glad the both of us realized this. I know that we are both happier.
But "ONLY" a second marriage? Why? Why isn't it honored that we might just have learned our lessons? That we might understand better what we need in our lives and how to love?
I remember walking down the aisle at the first marriage and being more nervous about how people liked my dress than the excitement that I was marrying that particular person. Yesterday, I couldn't stop looking at him and realizing that this was correct, this was what all of us needed.
I also found out that my ex re-married a while back, and I wish him nothing but the best. In fact, I'm glad. It seems to me that we both have this love-stuff figured out more than we used to.
I could philosophize, but I know this: I've never been as happy as when I was staring into my now-husband's eyes as I said, "This is my solemn vow."