The Silly Episcopalian

On Tuesday I had probably the worst panic attack I've had in my life.  I have many a diagnosis (Bipolar 2, panic disorder, generalized anxiety disorder), and sometimes I'm able to keep things under control.  This did not happen Tuesday.  I felt "off" when I left for work, so I stopped to get an iced coffee, hoping that this "treat" would help me feel better.  Well, the register was broken and I had no cash, so there was a bit of a delay processing my card.  I know that they were annoyed at the process, and I apologized so much (I've been on the other side of the counter.  Note: when you're gentle to people in this situation, they REALLY APPRECIATE it), but it still bothered the hell out of me that such a thing happened.  Sat down in my car with the door open for a minute, felt that foreboding weirdness in my fingertips, and contemplated going home.  But I didn't.  My in-laws were coming to visit Joe, and I know that if I called out sick and s...

In the novel Father Melancholy’s Daughter, Gail Godwin creates a narrative of a priest who is prone to bouts of depression, who earns the nickname “Father Melancholy” from his parishoners.  Throughout the book, Father Melancholy describes his depression as getting lost behind a Black Curtain, and he can’t find his way out.  When encouraged by his wife to take antidepressants prescribed by his well-loved doctor, Father Melancholy says that he wants to get to the bottom of it, to “look the damn thing in the face… to help me see… well, I don’t know what,” so that he could emerge triumphant. His emergences in the novel are always sudden.  The passage that struck me most about his emergence was when he told his wife that “these mashed potatoes are creamy and delicious, the ham is tasty, and I have a new book from the library I’m looking forward to reading later.”  And as a firsthand sufferer of bouts of depression, I can assure that these sudden emergences sometimes ...